Alex Chesbro's Blog

In the News of WTF… | April 29, 2009

I read a lot of news.  Washington Post, NYT, Colbert Report, the good stuff.  I have a saying, “learn something new every day,” and I try to stick by that, whether it be a new German word, or determining the Red Shift of Gamma Ray Bursts (GRB).  Like, a few days ago, a GRB was detected that happened over 13.1 BILLION YEARS AGO.  At that point, the universe was only like 600 million or so years old, and the only planets that existed were maybe some gas giants; there weren’t enough heavy elements to create harder, earth-like planted at that time.  But I digress…

Obviously, I come across some weird shit.  Weird, ginger-head shit.  Some of it’s just off-the-wall ridiculous.  But some of it is comically serious.  This article borders on taking the gold for today.    Really? No, really?  Because pork is “outlawed” in Judaism and Islam, the term “Swine Flu” is OFFENSIVE?  No, no, I’m sorry, that’s not how it works. Maybe if the name were “Delicious bacon-wrapped influenza,” they’d have some case, but as it stands, this is patently retarded.  Rename it “Mexican Flu” they say.  Hey dickwads, you think by naming something after Mexicans is going to make anything better?  It’s like taking “Ebola” as offensive, since it denigrates the sanctity of the Ebola River and naming it “Africa’s Dark Curse.” See, that just doesn’t work.

Another story that rattled my bones was this one.  Ok, that’s a good law to have: Don’t fuck animals.  Not because it can lead to sexual crimes on humans, but because it’s just straight fucked up.  Florida is one of the 16 (soon to be 15) states that don’t have a law against porking (PUN) animals.  However, read down a little bit.  The law won’t apply to veterinarians.  That’s kinda screwed up.  I think it’d be funny if there were this rash of vets just banging the shit out of family pets. The local news does a little investigative reporting, and these are all people who are sex offenders, or something of that sort.  But they’re within the law!!  SCANDAL!  (Imagine this conversation: “Well, I’m going to have to do some surgery on Fido.  *under breath* With my dick.”

So yeah, my day is pretty much WTF right about now.  I could use something that would make it FTW.

fail-owned-hat-tan-fail

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1 Comment »

  1. “Vets Banging Pets,” the new name of my band.

    Comment by alexchesbro — April 29, 2009 @ 12:02 pm


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