Alex Chesbro's Blog

I gotta do this… | March 27, 2009

Anyone who knows me knows that I hold a grudge against Crispin Porter + Bogusky.  Not really a grudge, more of a hatred.  I’m not a fan of stupid things, so naturally I don’t like CP+B.  Anyway, they “own” (own?) Miami Ad School, but I didn’t see any of those 3 at guest speaker nights.  Now, they do have a greenhouse, and Miranda tells me it’s da bomb, so I gotta give that to her.  I’m sure the employees are great fun people, as is the case at any agency, but some of their advertising needs to represent who they are.  

Let’s start with Burger King, and get that out of the way.  For the most part, I like this.  We had the Burger King guys come to guest speaker, and learned alot.  Buying DTV spots and pay-per -view is hella creative.  Narrowing your target audience to only people who eat at Burger King, what they called the “Superfan” is something I’m not so sure of, but it’s worked for them, and I can’t refute the bottom line.  And slapping advertising on everything in a BK is a great idea too.  Space is there for a reason.  Ok, that’s over.  Conclusion: I like CP+B ads for BK.  Except for Whopper Virgins.  I fucking hate those.

Nike:  The shit was on the fan before the fan even started up.  Track Town, USA?  Really?  *Vomit* I’m trying to find out if these things aired on TV or not.  I’ve been told they may have played on ESPN.  I’m sure at 2 am or something like that.  Terrible, terrible crap.  Beaverton, Oregon must be constantly in a state of shock that those were even made.  Conclusion: Suckfest

Microsoft: Ok.  We knew this was coming.  We in the advertising business, after hearing that Jerry Seinfeld had been paid around $10 million, were awaiting these ads with baited breath.  Even my sorry excuse for an ass was excited.  Then the 1st spot came out.  Instant FAIL.  Everybody was like ZOMG WTF.  It was…creative, I guess.  It was…boring as balls.  It left the door open for more facepalming.  Then the 2nd spot came out.  It was long.  Excruciatingly long.  I guess there was a shorter spot for TV, but I didn’t need to see a short one.  It’s like looking at midgets.  When you’ve already seen a full person, why would you settle for something smaller?  Look, Jerry and Bill are normal.  Look, Jerry just got paid $5 million dollars for this ad!  Whoo.  Then they did the “I’m a PC” ads.  What a waste of time.  No original idea whatsoever.  Where is the “big idea” in this?  Normal people using PCs?  Celebrities using PCs?  (PS, if you’re going to choose celebrities, don’t pick douchebags like Pharrell).  Epic fail.  Now, there is the “PCs are cheaper.”  They’re trying to drive home that people pay an “Apple tax,” that we just pay for the apple on the back of the screen.  Guess what?  People buy Apples because they work, they don’t fuck up, and the customer service (unlike the black hole that is HP’s), services us (in more ways that one, OH YEAH).  

Conclusion: Fail.  No other words fit.

All these ads (I’m still on MS) are all conceptual.  You can’t say “hey, our shit’s cheaper” the loudest, and expect people to pay attention to you.  That’s what little kids do, and everybody hates little kids.  I personally think it’s $300 million down the drain.  And Microsoft’s falling bottom line and profit just shows it.

Oh, and Apple continues to post profits.  What’s that Steve Ballmer, people don’t want to pay $500 more for an Apple?  Apparently they do.

God, let me wrap this up.  I don’t even think I can.  Screw it, I’ll leave you with a picture.  Fight in the comments, 12 rounds.  I can’t think of anything more to say. 



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